Shhhhh....

Every day during Rylen's afternoon nap, I have the kids go to their rooms for quiet time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but today they are actually quiet. I also feel guilty for making them do it sometimes, but if I didn't do it, I'd lose my f'n mind before the day is over. I do it for my sanity!! So it's just like a way for me collect myself and get ready for the evening routine.....dinner, pick up/clean up, outside play, bath, bed time snack, brush teeth, goodnight, and bed. Rylen's still asleep too. I have the tv off, and it's silent in here for a change. If only my neighbor would shut up with the weed eater already.
Uh oh I hear his little fussing noises already. I guess quiet time is over.

Soooo Disgusting

Rylen is all over the place these days. He does his commando crawl mixed in with some bear crawls and just gets where ever he wants to go. Needless to say, it's getting harder to keep him in one spot. He's also very very curious, he's got a keen eye for objects that he shouldn't get. Paper, a leftover cracker piece, BUGS! Yes, I keep a clean floor- vaccum 2x a day sometimes but with 3 kids crap on the floor is inevitable.
We live in between huge corn fields and we have seen plenty of spiders. We have sprayed some sort of kid and animal safe spray all over the place to keep them out of the house cause I HATE spiders. I'm not one that is super scared of bugs, but I hate spiders.
Well those damn things still get in from time to time.
Yesterday while I was cooking lunch, I saw Ry in the corner by the back door. I went to move him closer to me and saw he had something in his mouth. Yeah you know where this is going....
So I freak out and swipe out his mouth and it was a freakin spider leg. Ewwww how disgusting! I rush him over to the sink to wash his mouth out the best I could and to make sure that I got it all out. I went back to the corner he was in to find a dead spider missing a leg. That little stinker had found a dead spider and decided to taste it. GAG. It's still grossing me out. I remembered the time that Caden took a taste of lady bug when he was about Rylen's age, so it must be a boy thing. Ugh, but it's just so disgusting.
Today Granpa gave him the nickname " Spidey". Fitting don't you think?

Join us

If you're in my area, I invite you to join us at Crossroads Church on Sunday mornings at 11 am.
Check the website for locations
http://www.crossroadsc.com/
We began attending this church when we would visit my parents from Houston. I believe it was in Nov. of 2006. We enjoyed it then, but since then it's grown so much. They have an awesome band comprised of some very talented youth, and just a general laid back sort of atmosphere. Don't feel like getting all dressed up just for an hour of church? Go in your jeans, everyone does it. The pastor is a family friend, and he does a phenomenal job at relating the sermon to your daily lives so you leave with a clear understanding of the message. My kids love going to Sunday school, and love the snack bar they have set out every Sunday. I just love how relaxed and homey it feels to me. We attended a church something like this in Houston, and we loved it. I worried that when we moved we wouldn't have a place to go. We were blessed to find this place.
So, if you're in the area, check the website to see where services are held each week.
Here is a video of the band from a couple of weeks ago.

7 Months!

Well I am 7 months old today, well that is if my mommy gets this up before midnight. I am only 5 months away from being one! I think my mommy is sad about that, but I am loving growing up. I can eat all sorts of things now, I tried a gram cracker yesterday! I can also get around this place pretty easy, all I have to do is crawl, well it's more like commando style but hey-it gets me where I need to go. I am also starting to pull myself up. I sure am brave! Before you know it, I will be walking on 2 feet like my brother. He was walking when he was 10 months, so I guess I have to show him up! Look at me...daddy was just watching UFC tonight, and not paying attention to me so I did this to get his attention..



Here's another picture, my mom goes crazy with the pictures! I was bathing in the sink! What was mom thinking??

Battle of the Boob

I love breastfeeding. It's just the sweetest thing to have Rylen look at me and smile while he's nursing, and to have him reach up and touch my face while he's having mommy's milk. It's just our time.
BUT...at night my little leach, I mean sweet baby boy is stuck to me. All night long. I know he's only 7 months old, but many babies are sleeping through the night around now. Not Rylen, I have to pry myself away from him after nursing him at night, and hope that he doesn't wake up and start crying for more.
I breastfed my other two, and they were ferocious nursers also. Caden especially, he nursed every hour at night. Brityn did that sometimes as well. I tolerated it, sleeplessness is part of having a baby right? I stuck it out and figured I would just get rest when they were weaned. I could run on 5-6 hours of interrupted sleep no problem. Not this time.
It's much harder to tolerate this time around. I have 2 other children to take care of everyday and I need my boobs back so I can get some rest or I am just a grumpy, bitchy mess. After nursing my other 2 I figured I'd be a pro at this. Wrong! I need sleep, or at least less night time nursing sessions.
I have started to give him one bottle before bed so that he'd fall asleep with his tummy a little fuller. He's still waking up every 2 hours at night and about every hour from about 5-9 am. I tried just patting him back to sleep, and that's not working. I have even tried putting him in his crib which is a BIG step cause we're co-sleepers, and even that isn't working. Although I do sleep a little better in between feedings. I know I can't give up, I will nurse him till he's at least a year. It's just taking a little more effort on my part to not just throw in the towel. I keep focusing on the good, like the satisfaction I get by knowing I am the only one who can give him what he needs. I only hope that he'll ease up on the booby at night or I learn to just live like a sleep deprived maniac.

Gymbo Momma Mania

Well it's no secret that I am a Gymbo-holic. I love all things Gymboree. Except most, well probably all of the big boy's stuff cause it's just not my style at all. Caden would kill me if I made him wear some of the big boy stuff at 5 years old. Nonetheless...I am addicted I still have Brityn and Rylen to shop for.
That said, I am seriously depressed at the approach of the fall lines. I'm in Texas and if Fall comes at all, it's not until November. So what the hell am I going to do with long sleeve shirts, hoodies, and pants right now? Better yet WHY the hell do they put sweaters and tights out now in the f'n middle of July??? I don't get it. I don't ever buy things I can't put on the kids for months. I want to buy it, wash it, and put it on them the very next day. This goes along with the fact that I saw swimsuits out on the racks back in February. WTF it's even cold in TX in February. So ok, I do love the prints, Prep School is too freakin cute, but I am limited to only buying things Brit can wear now. What's the fun in waiting months to let them look cute? One good thing from all of this, is that that the summer stuff that she'll be able to wear until November or so is on sale!! Sales make me happy.

Sharing Good News

And I thought I had to wait til August. I got a call back from the nurse on Friday (after 2 days of trying to reach someone!) but either way the news was good! The PET scan was clear....cancer free from head to toe! Thank GOD! We did A LOT of praying and it has payed off. I can't even describe the slump I've been in. Just seriously down. Since hearing the good news it's like a huge weight has been lifted. I can go back to my normal *awesome* self. (wink wink) All the worry, waiting, and test after test....too much for me.
The whole liver issue isn't resolved yet. Focal Nodular Hyperplasia just consists of benign growths, and should be asymptomatic, but mine is symptomatic (causes pain) and may require surgery to remove the growths or liver resection. Either way it way better than having to experience yucky cancer.
I have to go back on Aug 21st for a follow up, and between now and then I have to schedule uhmmm some rather uncomfortable "endoscopic" procedures at the gastro. I'm now flipping out about a camera traveling down into my stomach among other places, but it's got to be done and I've been putting it off for too long. The issues with me and my stomach go waaayyy back and now they want to be sure there aren't any ulcers in my stomach and that I don't have Crohns disease.
So that's my good news. I'm just so glad to put the cancer scare behind me and focus on getting well from the other problems at hand. Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts. God is good!

Chef Mommy to the Rescue

My little guy decided he wasn't going to like the jarred baby food. I tried as hard as I could mainly for the convenience factor, and he said NO! Well he didn't really, but I could read his face and that fact that he would gag with each spoonful said plenty. Grandma was sneaking him tastes of all kinds of things, scrambled egg, tortilla, avocado (his fave), and God know what else. It's no wonder he didn't want bland, watery baby food. So I had no choice but to cook up some baby food. I did it for Caden, and a few times for Brit so I knew what I was doing. On the menu for this week was
Baked Peaches with a sprinkle of cinnamon
Baked Apples with cinnamon and a teeny tiny bit of brown sugar
Baked blueberries, mainly to mix in with the apples for variety
Baked carrots
All smashed up to perfection! I didn't puree because Rylen has teeth and is learning to chew.
He enjoyed some carrots and peaches for lunch and dinner and LOVED it! So till he can feed himself finger foods like bits of chicken, I'll be making him yummy yummy food.

Here we go.....

He likes it!

My Radioactive Day

Well I went in for my PET scan last Thursday. First we show up at my usual radiologist's office, only to find out that they didn't do that type of scan. Long story, but the nurse asked me which location I wanted to go, and I chose my usual, well she didn't tell me that they didn't do that scan. Whatever.
So.... Bryan halls ass across town to the med center. We make it there but have to wait a while. Being in there was a humbling experience. Mind you this whole building housed all the offices that specializes in cancer so the waiting room was full of people who were noticeably sick. It was very sad to see and I just silently prayed that I would not ever be one of them.
They call me back and tell me that it will be about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Then I go to a small room. It was a nice room, a leather recliner with nice shelves, candles, and pictures that would want on my own walls at home. I guess it's supposed to look home-y. The radiologist must have seen me in my frigid state and gets me warmed blankets. Then he hooks me up to an IV and goes over the procedure and tells me that I can't be around my children for 24 hrs or breastfeed for 48 hrs. I knew that.
He goes to get the radioactive dye, and he brings back this contraption of a syringe encased in a heavy metal container, it looks dangerous. I am now terrified that this crap is going to be pumping through my veins in a minute. He hooks it up and fills me up with radioactive goodness. I could taste the crap in my mouth too, so gross.
Then I am left to wait alone in my little mock living room (it needed a tv though) to wait in silence. I asked if Bryan could come back with me and he said no cause it wasn't safe. But safe enough to fill me up with huh?
I just sit there and read a magazine. The night before was terrible, Rylen didn't sleep well and I had to be up at 6 so I was tired. I dimmed the lights and fell asleep. That made the hour go by faster. Then the radiologist comes back in giving me way too much information for me to process as I just woke up. He takes me to the dressing room where I change into my gown and put on some paper short...nice huh? Then I head back to the scan room.
I lay on the table and he tells me to be sure to keep my head still. I slide into the machine which thankfully looks like a CT scan but longer, but not as long as an MRI. Does that make sense? I start to hear the whooshing sound of the machine booting up, and I lay as still as can be trying not to stare at the little laser labeled "DO NOT STARE". The whooshing is putting me back to sleep now. But instead of drifting off I chose to pray. Just praying that there isn't anything in my body that I cannot fight off. After scanning me from head to toe in about 25 minutes, it's over.
I meet up with Bryan in the waiting room where I thought that I'd find him asleep. We leave and I have the biggest caffeine headache ever and I'm starving cause I had to fast. The whole day I missed my kids. The big kids were probably having too much fun to notice I was gone. But I worried about Rylen. I knew my RyRy was eating well at grandmas but I wanted to give him my milk.
After 48 hours of formula only, he's back on track and nursing like a champ.
As for the results of the PET scan, I don't think I'll get the full report until my follow up in August. I'm trying to get it moved up so I can know faster though. I believe I am supposed to meet with an oncologist as well. I need to call my gastro to see if I'm still supposed to be doing that.
Till then I wait again!

My baby boy is 5

This weekend was Caden's 5th birthday! His party was on saturday, but his real bithday was on sunday. We had a pirate themed party this year and it was fun! The party was small, I had invited the same amount of people I always do but many didn't show. It was actually kind of nice having it small since Brityn's party was so big. We had lots of good food, a treasure hunt, sword fights, and enjoyed a little jam session by cousin Austen (who rocks the guitar btw and he's only 9) and uncle Nick. So we had a good time. On Sunday we went to church then we took my birthday boy to eat pizza and play games his favorite thing to do.
I just can't believe that my baby boy is 5 years old. These years just flew right by, and it makes me so sad. I have a photo montage coming, but here are pics from the party.



The treasure hunt


Little kiddies


Caden's 5 today !

You're Grounded

Maybe he's just a snide little smart ass. Caden my dear little almost 5 year old, well he's just been a little challenging behavior wise. He was my good obedient child, up until now. Oh he's still can be the sweetest little thing, like saying he'll take care of me when I don't feel well. Then he can be as defiant and stubborn as can be. I understand that kids don't like to do everything they're told, but omg he makes it into a big ol' whiny ordeal. The worst- his back talk. This kid doesn't know when to quit, he'll keep going and going.
So while I'm threatening grounding (I can't believe I have to ground a 4 year old) from xbox, tv, toys...he's saying things like "I'll still play my games, no you won't." Like hell I will kid! So he's grounded from tv and xbox this week, and I've also threatened to keep his birthday presents away from him since it's his party this weekend.
I have no idea what has gotten into him. I'm thinking he's just a spoiled brat or that he's picking up on the stress around here. Either way, I am hoping it's just a phase. He's not like that all the time, just isolated incidents during the day, so there's hope. Oh and the smart ass comments he makes, he's is just too smart for his own good. At the mall this weekend, I had stopped in the Pumpkin Patch to try to find him a new shirt for his birthday party. He had been misbehaving, and I was lecturing him while we were in the dressing room trying on a shirt.

Me-and you need to think about what you're doing. Before you do something ask yourself "is this going to get me into trouble?" (we're trying this shirt on and it's too big for my skinny little guy)
Him-Oh man......why is everything so big??? Is this going to get me into trouble?

He giggled. And I busted out laughing!! That's what I mean about smart ass, but sometimes it's just so funny!! He knew how to lighten the mood. He got a hug and a reminder that he's still grounded.

6 Months Stats....

My big boy isn't as big as I thought he would be. We had thought that he may be closer to 20 pounds, it feels that way when I have to carry him as I'm doing chores around the house.
He was
16.5 LBS
25 1/4" Long
He's about the 25 percentile on everything, except his head. I can't remember the exact circumfrence ( I never remember the head measurements) but it was above average. LOL....what else can I expect, he's going to be a smarty pants! Anyway he's right on track on all his milestones. Healthy happy boy! (except for the shots)

3 year old attitude!

Oh, she just makes some days difficult. We went to Grandma's this afternoon, so before we leave I have her pick up Rylen's toys. Well she obviously knows that she didn't take them out so why the heck should she pick them up.
Me: Brit, can you please pick up RyRy's toys and put them in the bucket?
Her: Nope
Me: (firmly) Pick up those toys and put them in the bucket please!
Her: No, I'm not gonna do it. (she says this as calmly as can be)
Me: Pick up those toys or you're not getting your chocolate milk!
Her: UGH!
She walks over and picks up ONE F'N TOY, drops it in the bucket and walks away.
I made her pick up the rest of them too, but geezus she makes the simplest things so difficult sometimes. She challenges me, I can never just ask her to do something and have her actually do it without any attitude first. She'll yell at me, and flat out tell me no.
While it pisses me off, sometimes I have to laugh at it. She's still adorable, and makes my day interesting. She is stubborn just like someone I know....Aww just look at her....

Also, I found out the name of the congenital liver defect is that the gastro was telling me about.
It's Focal Nodular Hyperplasia or FNH. I'll be doing more googling tonight to see what it's all about.

Follow Up

Today was my follow up for my biopsy. I knew that the liver samples were benign (yay), so I went in feeling ok. Well it turns out there are several leisions on my liver, they only sampled 2 cause it's imposible to do them all. They did have some fatty tissue, but she never said it was Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver disease. She did say that it could be some sort of congenital abnomality in my liver meaning I've always had it in some way. I only wish I could have remembered what the correct term for it was...I'll call tomorrow and get the right term. But, my main symptom is pain, which I should not feel since the leisions are small, but I DO. It's slowly gotten worse, moving around, even holding Rylen. Also with the congenital defect, the lesions should be on just part of my liver, these are all over the place.
SOOO.....we're off to do more investigative work. I am now going to get a complete look over for cancer in other parts of my body that may be causing the leisions to show up. Today they drew more blood to test, and next Thursday I will going in for a PET scan. I am just praying that they're not making me squeeze in that tiny tube like the MRI. Oh I hated that. Not fun.
I have a list of things I cannot do. The night before, no food after midnight, and my last meal has to consist solely of protein. No carbs, No sugar. No food or drink other than water the morning of the procedure. No mints or gum either. Sucks cause when I'm nervous I eat mints...religiously, since I was like 12, and I'm sure I'll be nervous that morning.
I'll be so radioactive after the scan that I cannot be around my babies till 24 hours after!!! Caden and Brityn have been away at grandma's for that long, but what is my Rylen going to do without me? He's such a momma's boy!! On top of all that, I can't nurse him for 48-72 hrs. WHAT? I mean thank God that he likes formula, but what if he doesn't want to nurse after 3 days of no booby? I am not at all ready to give up breastfeeding yet, not at all.
So it's just so much to think about, and thank you if you've made it this far. I had hopes of getting some definative answers today, after going through all this, and I didn't get them. I'm still in the "freaked out" state. After finding out that the biopsy was benign, I was hoping to not have to hear "cancer" again, but there it is. It's not as bothersome when I talk about it to other people, but naturally when I'm alone and I'm able to really think about it, and a possible impact on my babies, it hits me. Not a good feeling. I do have my faith in God and I pray that everything is just fine, even if I have to travel a long path to get there.

6 months already?

Yes my little RyRy is 6 months old today! I can't beleive we're already half way through his first year. He just started to crawl, I love to see him do new things, but he's just growing too fast. I guess it's even more bittersweet because he's my very last baby.
Here's some pics from today.

Good News

I FINALLY got a call back from the nurse. I had called 3 times last week and 2 times this week so I'm sure they were getting tired of hearing me. The findings from the masses were benign! Yay Thank GOD! I was so freaked out at the fact that it could have very well been cancerous. You don't want to know all the terrible thoughts that were running through my mind. Ugh scary.
I don't know anything more though, I'll find it all out at my follow up next week. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes March Mommas, I think they worked.

Happy Father's Day

We started off the day by waking up and heading to church. It was super packed today, as it is on all holidays. Caden and Brityn's Sunday School class had like twice the children it usually does. After church we came home and we were actually planning a barbque here at our place, but omg it was sooooo hot! So we opted to go out instead. Good choice cause it was not pleasant outside at all. We relaxed for a long while before heading out to Saltgrass for a nice father's day steak.
OH- we also had another date night on Friday. MIL came over and watched the kids. This time they weren't asleep so she had to keep them entertained. Rylen was a little aprehensive at first, he took one look at her and cried, but warmed up quickly and she assured us that was the only time he cried. So we saw The Happening, we love scary movies. It was a nice 2 hours out, we're slowly working our way up to dinner and a movie.
I spoke with nurse over at the gastroenterologist's office and she gave me no new info. She just said that the results were in but the Dr had to review them and sign a release saying that they are able to give them to me. Sounds like BS if you ask me, if it's nothing then why would it take her all day just to sign them and let them call me? It freaked me out, and all of Friday my nerves were just shot. Seriously, I just felt on edge. So they should be giving me a call tomorrow. Just praying for the best. On top of all that, Bryan is in Memphis all week. Exciting for him, sucks for me.
Here's pics from Father's Day
Caden and Dad...could they look more alike?


Brityn and Grandpa whom she so adores


And Rylen sitting in the high chair for the first time like a big boy

The waiting game

I hate HATE having to wait for results. I have done it so many times, and I'm normally a patient person, but these particular ones are just a little more important. I just want to know so that I start working on how to make it better. Hopefully I will know something by tomorrow evening, and I hope they do not make me wait until my follow up in 2 weeks. That would be agony.
On to something happy... it's bbq night at grandma's yay, I don't have to cook. Usually the kids are pretty tired from playing outside there that they fall asleep on the 7 minute ride home. That's my favorite part...that they are so tired they don't put up a fight to go to bed.

My baby's been brainwashed

He's absolutely in love with Barney. What is it about Barney that just draws them in? I am not at all crazy about the idea of him wanting to watch tv. Neither of my older kids took an interest in tv until they were about 2.
It's totally my fault though. When he was about 3 months old I would place him in his boucey seat while I got stuff done and I would flip on the tv. I turned to pbs and the rest is history. As soon as he hears the good bye song he's all smiles. He sits there and tries to sing along "mmmm maaaaa". So here is my little guy and his best friend.


This was today...


Rylen and Grandma at Universal Studios Barney show

Liver Drama

Ugh it's seems like it'll never end! So I had my liver biopsy on Friday morning finally, after being cancelled once. I showed up there at about 6:45 that morning, 15minutes early...suprised myself. I was sent to register at the day surgery admin office, and the registrar asked me oodles of question. I finally got up to the day sugery and special procedures waiting room. I waited anxiously for them to call me back, I was just ready to get it over with. The nurse came out and quietly (like I should be embarassed to say) asked me if I thought that I could be pregnant. I answered "no", she asked "well are your tubes tied", me- "no...but my husband had a vasectomy". She said "oh, I see" I then turned to Bryan and smiled. I didn't want to be talking about his junk to old ladies.
Well finally she took me back to get some blood drawn. No biggie, I have had it done SO MANY TIMES! I still can't watch them poke my arm though. Nurse continued to ask me questions "when was the last time I whaaat?". When all that was over, and after she gave me a pregnancy test "just to make sure" I headed up to the procedure room.
It was sterile looking and cooooold. At this point another nurse took over my care.
She was just as sweet as can be making small talk with Bryan and I as we waited for the Dr to arrive. She assured me that it was a painless procedure, and the I would be "more asleep than awake" and "not remember anything" Yeah, we'll see.
I changed into that oh-so-flattering hospital gown, and layed on the gurney. The nurse saw me in my frigid state and got me a couple of warm blankets and covered me up, reminded me of being tucked into bed as a kid. ahhh, I actually felt kind of cozy, watching TV and forgetting I was about to be stabbed in the gut.
The nurse got my IV started, and sent Bryan out of the room. I waited with her and the ultrasound tech talking about the what movies our kids wanted to see that summer and the played out "gas prices are so high" convo. The Dr. finally arrived, and I knew it was time for the party to begin.
The U/S tech found one of the masses in my liver and held the probe thingy still while the nurse dosed me with my drugs. Demerol is some good stuff by the way. I started to feel my head spin, and started to let myself close my eyes. I could hear what they were saying and I knew what was going on. I was praying to God that I wouldn't be able to feel anything. I knew it was going to take a few sticks, some small ones to numb the area, and then one big stick into the liver. The first ones didnt' hurt so bad, but that last big stick....OH MY GOD. I could feel the thick needle slowly going into the skin and then pressing into my liver and then a sharp stabbing pain. I thought they were just going to test one of the masses, but she repeated the process on one more mass. In between I asked for more demerol cause I was not "more asleep than awake" as they had told me.
Anyway, it was painful but somewhat quick and I was just so glad for it to be over. They wheeled me into the GI recovery. Bryan came with me and asked me if it hurt. Really?? So I got settled in, had a drink then fell fast asleep. I woke up like 2 hours later. I was supposed to stay for 4 hours so my stint in recovery was halfway over. It was so hard to move, painful to take a deep breath, or any breath at all for that matter. Before I was able to leave I had to walk alone. So I took a trip to the ladies room and was way more sore than I thought I would be. I hobbled back to recovery so the nurse can give me my discharge instructions and out the door I went...in a wheelchair.
Oh I was so glad to be home. My parents had stayed with the kids. My poor Rylen wanted to lay down with his mommy. I was so sad that I couldn't nurse him or carry him until the next day. He was good with his grandma and the bottle though. Caden and Brit were mostly interested in seeing the acutal puncture wounds. Caden brought me a bell to ring when I needed him. I took a long nap, and just relaxed all evening.
So, it's all over. Thank God. Now I have to wait for results. I hate waiting.